Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress

Alice McCall dress (romper version on sale)

Kate Spade New York heart bag

Dita “Hurricane” Sunglasses

Swedish Hasbeens Braided Sky High Heels

Sephora Cream Lip Stain in “Always Red”

Supergoop! oil on body and setting mist with SPF 50  on face – use code KLXSG for 25% off sitewide until September 16th!

With Lavender and Lace hair bow

Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress   Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress Keiko Lynn retro hair    keiko lynn retro hair

 

I’ve been going through this phase in my life where I’m constantly questioning and fretting about everything. Should I move? And if so, do I go to a new neighborhood within the city, or move out of state? Or do I move to the country and go in a completely different direction? What’s next? What if this all goes away, tomorrow? What is my next move? Why is the bumper always falling off of my car? What is that bump on my head?

I should be clear: I’m questioning things more than usual; I have to clarify, because I’m already one to analyze, dissect, and worry over the details. Part of it is growing up and watching everyone around me move forward, settle down, buy a house, build a family (I seriously just typed “build a baby” and thought, “no, that’s not right…”), and be seemingly so certain of everything. And here I am, still feeling like I’m generally in the same place that I was at 22. Only, I’m 31. Okay, I’m about two weeks away from 32. But I’m hanging on to 31 until the exact minute I turn 32. Except I don’t really know when that is, since I recently found a birth announcement (written in my mom’s handwriting) that declared my birthdate as September 16th, 1984, when I’ve always known it to be the 15th. Sorry for that tangent, but let’s just say that in more ways than one, I am having an existential crisis. It’s not a big deal, but it’s certainly making me more fickle than ever. Moreover, it’s making me more jittery than ever.

Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dressBeing an adult is sometimes fun. 1. You can eat dessert for dinner. I don’t, but it’s nice to have the option. 2. I can’t really think of a worthy number 2, but there are some other things that I’m probably not thinking about. Like maybe the whole no more standardized tests at 7:30 AM thing, sticking it to the man without fear of detention (although there’s always the possibility of being fired or facing jail time, so never mind), etc. But a lot of adult life is just ambling through life and hoping not to bump into large obstacles. And figuring out taxes, the difference between an LLC and an S Corp, and how mortgages work. I am a renter, but I google and ask my grandma about that kind of stuff all the time, because I feel like it’s something I should know. I also googled “Are Vinny and Izzy back together?” though, so let’s not pretend my whole life revolves around adulting. It just revolves around me trying to adult and failing, because I still feel like I’m not a true adult. And that’s weird, right? Because I’m 31 on the verge of 32, whether on September 15th or 16th (fess up, mom). And everyone around me seems to have their life figured out, but I’m over here googling stuff like that’s a legit form of education.

Keiko Lynn in an Alice Mccall dress

But let’s brush all of that aside, because I’m currently watching Bachelor In Paradise and they’re showing previews of people getting engaged after knowing one another for approximately one minute (okay, two). So maybe I have it together a little more than they do, at least? Or maybe they just know the secret to living your best life. I’m gonna go with a healthy and very entertaining mix of both.

None of this has anything to do with these photos of me in DUMBO, in my favorite Alice McCall dress, but I have nothing else to talk about. This is why you should never write a blog post at 3 AM, while watching bad (but oh so good) television and contemplating your adulthood.

  1. Natali says: August 31, 20163:41 am

    This is seriously one of your best outfits ever!! Wow! I’m so impressed and inspired!

    http://lartoffashion.com

  2. MizzJ says: August 31, 20165:15 am

    Bleh I know just how you feel. I’m the same age and no way do I feel grownup enough to have kids!

  3. sasa says: August 31, 201612:03 pm

    So cute:P

    Shall We Sasa

  4. Jessica says: August 31, 20161:44 pm

    I’ll be 33 in October and I feel all of these things. I know I don’t want kids, but I’m constantly questioning whether or not I want to get married someday. The idea seems so nice, but then the internal arguments start: “You’re a strong, independent woman who doesn’t need to conform to silly traditions!” Sigh… I’ve also been at my job as a graphic designer for a while and I don’t see it going anywhere but I’m afraid to move on to something that could possibly be worse. Ahh, adulthood. Fun! Also, as I finished the latest episode of Bachelor in Paradise last night I told my boyfriend, “No more! I will not sacrifice every Monday and Tuesday night to this show ever again!” After next weeks season finale, of course…

    • Keiko Lynn says: August 31, 20161:50 pm

      You’re a stronger person than I am…I watched it and was like “WAIT, I NEED MORE!!!”

  5. lindsey says: August 31, 20161:45 pm

    Just because someone owns a home, has babies, and knows the difference between an LLC and an S Corp doesn’t mean they have anything figured out. They’ve more than likely been googling just as much as you have to figure out the proper way to “adult”. Speaking as a 34 year old that rents, has no babies, but works hard, enjoys her life and has a boo by her side to enjoy the moments with, I can tell you that we all wonder what we are doing when we measure ourselves against other people. But if you are truly happy, you’ve mastered what many have not. Every other decision is one google search at a time girl. XO from Florida <3

    • Keiko Lynn says: August 31, 20162:08 pm

      The logical part of me knows that, but the late-night version of me is irrational. “Every other decision is one google search at a time” should be framed and on my wall…I love that! Thank you:)

  6. Melody says: August 31, 20161:49 pm

    I love this. Have you watched Talking in Circles by Laura Miller? The latest episode talked about how liberating it is to find out that everyone around you thinks and feels all those things, too. I’ll be 26 on September 30 (happy early birthday, btw!) and for the last month I’ve been worrying myself sick over saving for retirement. I’ve tried to plan over the next two years on saving and how and when and what to invest in. It’s maddening. But then you look around at your life and realize, everything will be okay. And you’re right! We’re just ambling through life trying not to bump into any big obstacles.

    You’re doing just fine. 🙂

  7. Ashley Marie says: August 31, 20162:03 pm

    First off: your outfit is so cute! I love both red and floral prints but I just don’t seem to think it suits me.
    About questioning everything; I think a lot of us are in the same boat. My friends are a) getting married and starting families or b) working in their career (some of them have super powers and are successfully doing both… How?!) I was overwhelmed with the idea of how I had neither, and packed my bags and moved half way around the world. I love it. Sadly I can’t be here forever, so I have the constant worry that when I do end up home that I’ll be the only one left with nothing. Everyone around keeps telling me that everyone moves at their own pace, so hopefully I’ll start believing it soon, and so will you! Hope it doesn’t get you down too much (or at least not too often), and cheers to whatever you decide is right for you. I think above all things, happiness comes first! 🙂 xoxo

    PS: I’m glad I’m not the only one who has to google everything to help with adulting haha

  8. Liv says: August 31, 20162:06 pm

    Love the print.

    Liv

    http://www.livforstyle.net

  9. Sara says: August 31, 20162:06 pm

    I’ll be 32 in January and I know exactly how you feel. I’m still in grad school and don’t have a real source of income yet. I’m terrified everyday and it’s nice to know I’m not the only one. Everyone I know is getting married and having kids and I can’t even fully support myself 😑 We just gotta hang in there.

  10. Sarah says: August 31, 20163:48 pm

    Girl join the club, we have meetings on Thursdays 😉 I’m 33 and feel the exact same way sometimes. Married, but never having children, working a regular desk job 9-5 and just wondering what’s around the next corner. Will I ever achieve my dream of being self employed? Will my husband and I ever stop living pay check to pay check? Can we handle another dog? It’s so funny because I look at your life and am envious of the things I see you doing. I feel like you have your life totally together! Traveling, helping research books, being asked to endorse things, filming videos for big name brands, and having fun fashion photo shoots. I wish I lived in NYC and could make my hair look half as good as yours in a bouffant. It’s so hard to not compare yourself to someone else, you just gotta hang in there and do you!
    “Peace is accepting today, releasing yesterday, and giving up control tomorrow”
    You don’t even know how a post like this helps other people. Being open and honest…. you inspire me! xoxo

    • Keiko Lynn says: August 31, 201611:02 pm

      I don’t want to come across as whiny or unappreciative, because I do feel so lucky to have my life. I mean, I’m obviously not putting the boring stuff or the really bad days online — it’s all filtered, to an extent! — but for the most part, I wouldn’t want it any other way. I think *that* scares me more than anything: having it taken away, losing the ability to care for myself and the ones I love, having the freedom to travel and be with my family whenever I want. I’m always overthinking the future, which makes it hard to live in the present. But re: bouffant, it requires a whole lot of teasing. A WHOLE lot. You have to make it look insane before it gets good;)

  11. Mom says: August 31, 20164:08 pm

    You look beautiful Keiks. Your birthday is September 15, 1984. I think you’re doing a fantastic job adulting. Stop worrying so much. take a walk on the wild side and eat dessert for dinner tonight. Love you, mom

    • Keiko Lynn says: August 31, 201610:57 pm

      Thanks, mom! But I still don’t know if I believe you about my real birthday. hahahahahaha

  12. Jennifer says: August 31, 20165:06 pm

    You seem like such a sweet young woman. I am 51 – how did that happen?- and I can tell you that most people just figure it out as they go along. Follow your instincts but also use judgement, and realize that especially at your age you can change course if things don’t go as planned.
    I have a son who just graduated college and moved across the country for his job and a daughter who is a jr in college. My guidance to them is to build a base of stability – financial, emotional, skills and experiences – so that they have choices in life. There will be failures and missteps, but don’t get bogged down, redirect.
    As I was becoming an “empty nester” we also had to move to another part of the country for my husband’s job. It was a very disorienting and fearful time for me. But it’s turned out to be a good change and a chance for new experiences. So I would say, Live in the present, dream for the future, and find all the happiness you can along the way.
    BTW, I’m getting my first tattoo next week! I love yours. This is one of my ways of embracing this next stage of life.

    • Keiko Lynn says: August 31, 201610:56 pm

      Thank you for this sweet comment. I appreciate it so much! As scary as it must be to relocate, it’s also pretty exciting to start that new chapter of your life! I hope it goes well for you. And I’m excited for you to get your first tattoo! What are you getting?

  13. Snapshot Fashion says: September 2, 20163:33 pm

    If you really want move or try something new I say DO IT! You can always come back. Hell, I did. We moved to PA and then after a couple of years we moved back to NYC. Go figure! There is never any harm in trying something new…no matter what that may be.

    As a side note, I know I have said it before but I will say it again…RED IS YOUR COLOR!

  14. sara says: September 4, 201612:22 pm

    u are a real divaaaaaaaa. Super nice sunnies

    http://7-sevendays.blogspot.it/

  15. ariane says: September 6, 20168:47 pm

    It’s refreshing to come across this as most bloggers seem to try to convey this most perfect, filtered existence. Your bravery as well as your unique nature set you apart immensely.

    As a chick turning 34 in less than 3 weeks, single, no kids and a bit of a beatnik… I can tell you that life doesn’t simplify as we age. The perpetual roller-coaster ride is normal! Since October of 2015, I have moved to the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, then lived on a ranch in Aspen and just this past weekend moved to Silverton, Colorado (an historic national landmark!/old mining town). Not to sound cliched, though life is surely fleeting… and I am sure just as myself, you may feel strange heading into your mid-30’s! It seems like just yesterday that 30 passed. Enjoy it all. Relish in your spunk, free-spirit and tenacity. Relish in the idea that life exists outside of NYC/Brooklyn. Grasp that time’s a-flyin’ and the time is now.

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 7, 201611:02 pm

      It’s so funny, because I originally intended on staying in NYC for a year, then moving somewhere new, and just hopping around until I found my place – your three moves sound amazing. And then I ended up loving New York and completely thriving, and didn’t want to leave. I am definitely not one of those people who think life doesn’t exist outside of Brooklyn, but I’ve often said that I wish I wouldn’t have *started* with Brooklyn, because it would’ve been nice to try some other places before settling here. I don’t really see myself here forever, but right now I feel like I want to stay for at least another year…I feel like I’m not totally done. But I also have no idea where I want to end up! For the time being, I’m enjoying traveling around, even regionally, and exploring other areas. Most of my work is local, but luckily I’m able to pick up and go pretty easily.

  16. Alex says: September 6, 20169:14 pm

    Girrrrl I’m 32 (33 on Sept 21st!), and I use google allll the time for my actual job, for which I have a master’s degree and license. GOOGLE ALL THE THINGS!

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 7, 201610:52 pm

      Hahahahahaha this made me feel so much better. “Google all of the things” is my new catchphrase.

  17. thotlady says: September 7, 201611:20 am

    Love this dress and your post. I too wonder if Izzy and Vinny got back together.

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 7, 201610:51 pm

      Thank you! I saw a picture of them together on a plane, but apparently they’re just friends. I’m way creepy about people I have never met…hahaha. I was rooting for them! But oddly, Evan and Carly became my favorite couple. He’s so freaking weird. And she seems like a cool girl and I love that it *wasn’t* love at first sight. They somehow make such a good couple, and I was so happy because I love an underdog story. hahahha

  18. Lesley Reveles says: September 8, 20168:24 pm

    First off this dress is fantastic. Even if you don’t have it all together, it helps to look like you do. Which you seem to all the damn time- you always look so lovely! I can barely wake up early enough to brush my hair before work. I aspire to look just as put together as you do each day!

    I’m 26 and have been going through an existential crisis of mine own lately. Each year seems to bring a new job for me to try. Went to school for theater and haven’t really used that degree. Not really sure what career path to take that would fulfill me while still supporting my love of Kate Spade purses and my desperate need for health insurance. I have no desire for babies or marriage. Thankfully neither does my boyfriend! All my friends on Facebook are posting photos of their engagement parties, baby bumps, weddings, fancy jobs.. while I live in a small town (Santa Fe), not sure what I want to do with my life, managing a catering business, posting photos of my cats, and binge watching Real Housewives on Hulu. I don’t think any of us feel like adults ever, really. Thank God for Turbo Tax. And the Container Store. They help a lot. Other than that.. I suppose we all just learn as we go along? All we can do is hug our pets and try to get our laundry done, I think ; )

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 9, 20161:51 pm

      Yes to The Container Store! hahaha. I bought “The Life Changing Magic Of Tidying Up” and immediately misplaced it. I’ve since found it, but I’m sure you can guess that I am already failing at being tidy. Also, I was a theater major, as well! It seemed like a great idea at the time, but once I decided I didn’t want to do theater anymore, it proved useless. Luckily, I fell into the digital world and created a little nook for myself to work within…there’s always another option. I don’t need to be rich and definitely don’t want to be famous, but I crave stability. And though I’m stable right now, I worry about the future. That’s the life of a freelancer: the freedom comes with uncertainty. And no health benefits. And lots of taxes. haha!

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 9, 20161:52 pm

      PS thank you! But don’t forget that there are many days (like today – I’m in an oversized t-shirt with no makeup) that I do *not* look put together. I just don’t go out of my way to photograph them;)

  19. yuene says: September 22, 201612:49 am

    Hey, I just turned 33, and I haven’t got my shit quite together, yet. Well, the gooey bits are sticking mostly in a lump, but small chunks keep flaking off from time to time. And, bad mental imagery aside, I think that’s just fine! Quite frankly, we all just make it up as we go along, because new life experiences will always give us new things to consider, and there’s just no way to plot out a firm path. I thought I had a clear path ahead, and then my marriage crumbled to bits. Then just when I thought I was rebuilding, my relationship fell apart. Woot. After that, I threw most forward planning out of the window, and have decided to take it one day at a time. It’s quite liberating, and I’m loving it more than ever.

    I just came back from a solo trip across Russia, and now I’m actually contemplating heading overseas to work for a few years (first place in consideration: Russia. Not sure why. Might be the trip). We’ll see how that thought goes 🙂

    • Keiko Lynn says: September 22, 20161:16 am

      That’s so incredibly awesome…both the solo trip and the working overseas part. I hope your new journey is exciting and liberating:)

  20. Jazmin says: September 29, 201611:38 pm

    Have you thought about writing a book soon? You have something in the making….