Kate Spade New York heart bag
I’ve been going through this phase in my life where I’m constantly questioning and fretting about everything. Should I move? And if so, do I go to a new neighborhood within the city, or move out of state? Or do I move to the country and go in a completely different direction? What’s next? What if this all goes away, tomorrow? What is my next move? Why is the bumper always falling off of my car? What is that bump on my head?
I should be clear: I’m questioning things more than usual; I have to clarify, because I’m already one to analyze, dissect, and worry over the details. Part of it is growing up and watching everyone around me move forward, settle down, buy a house, build a family (I seriously just typed “build a baby” and thought, “no, that’s not right…”), and be seemingly so certain of everything. And here I am, still feeling like I’m generally in the same place that I was at 22. Only, I’m 31. Okay, I’m about two weeks away from 32. But I’m hanging on to 31 until the exact minute I turn 32. Except I don’t really know when that is, since I recently found a birth announcement (written in my mom’s handwriting) that declared my birthdate as September 16th, 1984, when I’ve always known it to be the 15th. Sorry for that tangent, but let’s just say that in more ways than one, I am having an existential crisis. It’s not a big deal, but it’s certainly making me more fickle than ever. Moreover, it’s making me more jittery than ever.
Being an adult is sometimes fun. 1. You can eat dessert for dinner. I don’t, but it’s nice to have the option. 2. I can’t really think of a worthy number 2, but there are some other things that I’m probably not thinking about. Like maybe the whole no more standardized tests at 7:30 AM thing, sticking it to the man without fear of detention (although there’s always the possibility of being fired or facing jail time, so never mind), etc. But a lot of adult life is just ambling through life and hoping not to bump into large obstacles. And figuring out taxes, the difference between an LLC and an S Corp, and how mortgages work. I am a renter, but I google and ask my grandma about that kind of stuff all the time, because I feel like it’s something I should know. I also googled “Are Vinny and Izzy back together?” though, so let’s not pretend my whole life revolves around adulting. It just revolves around me trying to adult and failing, because I still feel like I’m not a true adult. And that’s weird, right? Because I’m 31 on the verge of 32, whether on September 15th or 16th (fess up, mom). And everyone around me seems to have their life figured out, but I’m over here googling stuff like that’s a legit form of education.
But let’s brush all of that aside, because I’m currently watching Bachelor In Paradise and they’re showing previews of people getting engaged after knowing one another for approximately one minute (okay, two). So maybe I have it together a little more than they do, at least? Or maybe they just know the secret to living your best life. I’m gonna go with a healthy and very entertaining mix of both.
None of this has anything to do with these photos of me in DUMBO, in my favorite Alice McCall dress, but I have nothing else to talk about. This is why you should never write a blog post at 3 AM, while watching bad (but oh so good) television and contemplating your adulthood.