Outfits, Style

Wear the dress.

nyc

Outfit Details:

Zimmermann “Mischief Rosebud” dress

Pink Swedish Hasbeens

Flynn bag

Heart sunglasses

I wrote a little bit about this on instagram, but since captions can be limiting and most of us don’t read them anyway, I figured I’d talk a little bit about it on here. Let’s be honest — few read the text on blog posts, either, but there’s still a big part of me that looks at this blog as equal parts diary and resource. A strange mix of links and info and heart-on-my-sleeve and generally mundane recollections of my days. And and and.

Anyway!

I first saw this dress on Solange during NYFW in 2015, and I fell in love. She was dressed for the Zimmermann show (I did not attend; I am not that cool), and as suspicions confirmed when I checked their runway images, it was for their upcoming SS 16 collection. I knew it would be well out of my price range and I’d have to wait several months to find out just how much it was out of my price range (although Moda Operandi probably had it for pre-sale, I can’t remember) but I felt like I needed it. Very dramatic, I know, but this has only happened to me twice: once with this dress, and once with a pair of sunglasses that I spotted at a friend’s wedding, tracked down and purchased, and still wear all the time. Of course, sunglasses have a little more versatility than a very specific dress, but the dress was calling to me. When the collection finally launched, my dreams were squashed because the price was so well beyond my budget that I couldn’t even think about it. But I waited and waited and waited for it to go on sale, and then on sale again, and several months later — about a year after I first spotted it — I got the dress. It was still more expensive than anything else in my closet, but I was overjoyed when it arrived. It’s the most “me” dress I’ve ever had.

But then something weird happened: I wouldn’t wear it. I didn’t feel worthy. I shouldn’t say “weird” because it’s not the first time. I’ve returned or passed up a few things because I didn’t feel worthy of them, but this was something I already had in my possession and it was final sale, so returning wasn’t even an option. I’d put the dress on and think to myself, “Who do you think you are? You don’t deserve this.” And back in the closet it went. I reasoned with myself that maybe when Bobby and I got married, I could wear it then. That would be an occasion worthy of a special dress. I spent all this money on a dress I stalked and obsessed over for a year, but I couldn’t bring myself to wear it. I worried I would look like a fraud. I’ve been called a sellout for not exclusively wearing thrifted or reconstructed clothes anymore, I’ve been told I was “born poor and will die poor” and that I “don’t deserve nice things” by strangers on the internet who probably never gave me a second thought past that, and at some point I started believing those things in some tiny, whispering voice in the back of my head kind of way. Isn’t it strange that you can receive 1,000 compliments and one rude remark and somehow you only retain the latter? In my case, it’s because I already felt that insecurity and their comments/emails — though less tactful than my inner dialogue — felt like affirmations of my self-doubt. I’ve held onto a remember-where-you-came-from mentality to always keep my feet on the ground, but it can sometimes pull me under. Even re-reading this post, I caught that I said “I am not that cool.” I do that a lot. If you tell yourself something enough, you will believe it and live it. And others will believe it, too.

It took moving into a new apartment to wear the dress. Moving the unworn dress from one apartment to another apartment made me realize how ridiculous I was being. Here I was, saving this dress for a special occasion that was nowhere in sight, telling myself I didn’t deserve to wear it for any other reason. So, I put it on. I wore it for Valentine’s Day pictures with Miku and Bobby. I wore it again for a dinner. I wore it again for an event. I wore it on this beautiful Spring day for brunch. I wore the dress again and again and again because a dress this special deserves to be seen, not sitting in the closet. And if you treat each day as such, it can always be a special occasion. And heck, if you’re going to spend a lot of money on a piece of clothing, you better get that cost per wear down and wear it to death.

The point of this very long and dramatic post about a dress is that in life, there will be people who make you feel like you’re not worthy. Sometimes that person will be you. Don’t listen to them. Smack your self-deprecating inner dialogue square in the mouth. Wear the dress!

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21 comments

  1. LRS says:

    Found a link to your site on an old bookmark, gave it a click and I’m so glad I did. So refreshing and relatable and authentic. Thanks for your words and your reminder of worthiness. xx

  2. Nicki Wolfe says:

    I absolutely love this post, and that dress is INCREDIBLE! I’m so glad you finally started wearing it. I have gone through a similar conundrum for years. I love dressing up and really going nuts with my outfits, but I live in a very casual, very southern city. If I wear something nice or fashion forward to dinner at the nicest restaurant in town, most of the people around me are wearing jean shorts and I stick out like a sore thumb. It’s also likely that even I was wearing jean shorts the last time I was there, so what the heck am I doing all dressed up this time? It’s made me feel the need to dress down, and it’s really disappointing to my inner fashion lover. I know it shouldn’t bother me, and sometimes it doesn’t, but sometimes you just don’t want to stick out that much, ya know?

  3. Briel K. says:

    I’m glad you decided to start wearing it! It looks great on you!

    As for people not reading captions or the words in blog posts I actually find myself skimming the photos and going right to the words for most of the blogs I read! 🙂

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Girl after my own heart! I do the same:)

  4. Adriana Thani says:

    “Imposter syndrome” is a real thing! I’ve done this exact thing before, against all logic, and felt the same way – that I was being a fraud somehow for wanting to wear such a special piece. But I’ve learned to be less sentimental with “things” now, plus having kids is a very humbling and centering experience haha.

    For what it’s worth, I’ve been following you since your Postlapsaria days and you’ve still remained one of the most refreshingly authentic people out here on the Internets ❤️

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Thank you, Adriana. That means so much to me!

  5. Natali says:

    I’m so glad that after all you wore this beautiful and dreamy dress because it suits you 100%!! I hope that you’ll keep on wearing it because it’s a perfect one for the Summer and special occasions too. 🙂

    https://lartoffashion.com

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Thank you! Ever since I first wore it, I’ve been reaching for it a lot!

  6. Bethany Susan says:

    I love this, love your dress, and almost always go for the words at the bottom of the post.

  7. Chantal says:

    I love reading your posts and it’s one of the few blogs I actually read every post all the way through (one of the others is Helena’s!) so please keep writing! It’s one of my fav parts about this blog!!

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      That makes me so happy — especially because Helena is one of my close friends and genuinely one of the best girls I know. Glad you enjoy her blog as much as I do!

  8. Panty Buns says:

    I really LOVE everything about that Zimmerman Mischief Cotton Rosebud Dress!!! You look absolutely gorgeous wearing it!!! I also love the heart shaped sunglasses you accessorised with the dress.

  9. pati says:

    Beautiful dress for a beautiful person. Wear what makes you happen and forget about what people think or might say!

  10. Sheila says:

    Ahh I totally know how you feel! I have so many things in my closet that I absolutely LOVE but I can’t get myself to wear because it’s too special or people might think I’m too pretentious. Well f*ck them. Who cares what they think, as long as I’m happy!

    PS I’m a long time lurker but first time commenter. You are gorgeous and you deserve anything that makes you happy! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Thank you! Sometimes we get too wrapped up in our own worries. The reality is, most people probably don’t care — and those who do, ah well!