Do kids still call each other posers? Is that still a thing, or have we evolved past dictating what someone else’s “true style” is and what it should always be? My experience of current day teen life is only viewed through the lens of tiktok — or what my niece tells me when I ask her questions like an out-of-touch old lady — but it seems like the newer generations are much more accepting of personal style evolution and self discovery. Of course, online and in real life are two different things. And no longer having that hard separation between school and personal life, thanks to social media, I have to wonder: has it gotten better? Or has it gotten harder?

I can’t remember ever being called a poser (at least to my face) but I used to be curious if the fear of being labeled a poser made any of my peers too nervous to experiment with their own style, their own interests. I was always a little offbeat, but part of my never-quite-fitting-in-ness was also not even belonging to a subculture. Except in my late teens and early 20s. Those were my scene kid days. [And for a brief but glorious and mullet-heavy time, I realized what fun it was to be among people with similar interests and style.]

But I digress.

Part of not fitting in anywhere meant I felt super free to do what I wanted without really calling attention to myself. I just wore whatever I fancied in that very moment and went through many style evolutions without the worry of being ridiculed. Adults used to tell me it was a hidden blessing to be unpopular in high school, because it meant you hadn’t peaked. But what they failed to mention was the freedom it can give you to truly be yourself, without worrying about the consequences to your social standing. It’s much easier to go through a journey of style discovery when you’re a little bit invisible. That is a blessing.

Outfit Details: Brixton beret. Vintage top, vest (super similar), and lace up shorts. Jeffrey Campbell Monsieur shoes. Daisy crochet bag by Nannacay (old, but linked the original listing in case you want to find it second hand).

I just remember that if a once-mainstream kid came in looking a little goth, or wearing Vans (but wasn’t a skater — the NERVE!), or decided they wanted to start dressing like [insert style here that wasn’t preppy or the current norm], they were often labeled a poser. Especially if their outward style didn’t directly reflect their known interests. Isn’t that so silly? I’m sure feelings were hurt and insecurity was felt, but most of the time, those kids would persist and keep doing their thing. That wasn’t really the issue. What I wonder, though, is how many kids saw others being ridiculed for experimenting with their style and thought, “You know what? It’s not worth the risk” and put their bedazzled bebe shirt on the next day. You know, they put their manic panic back in the box and reached for the Sun-In instead. Or tucked their latex pants back into the drawer and put on an Abercrombie getup. I mean, listen. I’m an elder millenial if you can’t already tell.

I’m just rambling in a Nyquil induced state, so I want to clarify: Just like there’s nothing wrong with having your own style and experimenting until you get there, there’s also nothing wrong with just wanting to fit in. There’s also nothing wrong with truly liking what is mainstream / trendy / socially accepted. You don’t have to be super different to be valuable; you don’t have to be just like everyone else to be valuable.

I just hope that whatever your heart tells you to wear, whether it’s something a little kooky that might get a lot of stares, or it’s a basic tee and your favorite jeans — I hope you don’t stop yourself from wearing it because you’re worried about what others think. And if, as a child, you learned that you cannot deviate from your perceived, pre-established personal style without being a poser, I hope you unlearn that. And wear whatever the heck you want. It’s never too late to find your personal style, and it’s never too late to change it again and again and again.

If anyone calls you a poser, tell them I want to speak with them.