fall outfit: Pendleton glacier stripe coat
Outfits, Style

The dichotomy between grief and gratitude

fall outfit: Pendleton glacier stripe coat
fall outfit: Pendleton glacier stripe coat
fall outfit: Pendleton glacier stripe coat

Outfit Details:
Pendleton Glacier Stripe Blanket Coat (c/o Pendleton)

J.Crew tissue turtleneck striped shirt (also have it in solid colors, and it’s on sale!)

mustard corduroy skirt (exact — also available in other colors)

Alberto Fermani “Lissandra” boots (mine are very old but these are some good options: here, here). Try Sam Edelman for more affordable options and Stuart Weitzman for a worthy investment.  

Urban Decay 714 lipstick

Fall seemed to last all of two days, so we went chasing it wherever we could: to get fresh air without chattering teeth, to catch the leaves before they fell, to drink hot apple cider and heal our aching hearts.

We’re hurting, still. But we have each other, we have fantastic friends and family, and so we smile.

It’s a strange dichotomy to feel cursed and blessed all at once, to feel like the cards are stacked against and also so grateful for the love surrounding. It’s also strange to grieve somewhat publicly about one thing while being so private about another, but some stories are not just mine to tell. I still haven’t been able to put my greatest sadness into words; losing Miku and Vester tore me to pieces and I’ve been struggling to put myself back together. It also taught me that the “worst” and most horrific of my worries affected me so much less than the heartache of losing my purest loves — and I have been mad at myself for wasting so many days crying and screaming and dwelling on the things I had no control over when I could have been focused on being more present with my happy little family while we had the chance. I know being mad at myself does nothing, so I’m just trying to move forward, but the guilt lingers.

I know I’m being so vague, but again. Not just my story to tell // some things are better left off the internet.

Suffice to say, 2019 can go straight to the depths of the smelliest garbage. In the meantime, Bobby are surrounding ourselves with only people and things that lift us up. How lucky we are to have so much of that. And my goodness, I’ve never felt more thankful for him. Even in his saddest times, he’s pure sunshine; and even in my deepest grief, I feel gratitude.

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8 comments

  1. Joey says:

    <3 Thank you for sharing your words!

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Thank you for reading. <3

  2. Anna says:

    Sending so much love to you, Bobby, and fam.

    • Keiko Lynn says:

      Thank you<3

  3. Patty says:

    I’m reading a book, “Radical Acceptance” and it hits me so hard sometimes that I have to stop it to cry. But the idea that the only word we’re living in is the world we’re currently in has been both heartbreaking and lifesaving.

    The only world we have is the world we’re in. The world where you made the choices you did. The world where you were so lucky to spend time with the loves of your life and maybe didn’t get to be as present as possible every single moment, but hey – that world doesn’t exist. There is no world where you would have been perfect and present and available in those moments.

    Guilt is a mother F’er. I wish you the best during this tough time and hope the gratitude and support of those around you gets you both through the lowest of moments. <3

  4. Bettye says:

    I hope you find some peace soon.

    It’s a year and a half since I lost my boy Caleb and it was, and still is, life-changing. Not only was he my constant companion. sometimes he was the only one who could get me out of the house. I was committed, throughout his life, to get him Off The Property every day…which made ME get off the property! He made me feel secure in places where I no longer do…so there are places I no longer go. So aside from just the sad loss of HIM, The Best Dog Ever, there are the ongoing negative impacts it has made on my life.

    BUT…it no longer hurts EVERY day. Time will help with that.

    Wishing you peace,
    Bettye

  5. Natasha L says:

    Grief is always so tricky, but I’m glad that you, Bobby and your family are surrounded by love.

  6. Kailey says:

    Thank you for sharing this post. Sending you so much love Keiko.